Sunday July 12th

Sh*t! Son of a B%$ch! Muthafruker! G*d da*n it! OK I feel better now.

Scientists have discovered that uttering swear words can help to lessen the feeling of physical pain. The study by researchers at Keele University found that volunteers were able to withstand pain for longer when they swore compared to when they used words which were not offensive.

Knucklehead bank robber’s big fail.

Out of prison for just over three weeks, Mark E. White chose the wrong car to try to hitch a ride with on Wednesday. Just two blocks from the Citizens Bank at 2815 E. Genesee in Saginaw that he allegedly robbed five minutes earlier, White, 50, flagged down Saginaw Township Detective Scott Jackson of the auto theft division for a ride.

Texting teen, oblivious to her surroundings, takes a tumble down open manhole into sewer below.

It was an accident waiting to happen — an open sewer and a 15-year-old girl who was texting while she walked. Alexa Longueira, a high school sophomore, was walking along Victory Boulevard near Travis Avenue on Staten Island Wednesday evening when she felt the earth move and was plunged into smelly darkness.

One amazingly brave aunt. May this woman R.I.P.

When the gunshots erupted, the man on another bench dove for cover, but Jesselle Page leapt up to protect her 8-year-old grandnephew. The youngster cast aside the scooter he had been riding in the playground filled with two dozen kids on Friday afternoon. He ran across the playground toward his 44-year-old great-aunt as she ran toward him.

Lost $100 gift card turns into $500 in donations for eight year old girl.

A lost gift card led to new friends in Independence. Readers of the Independence Examiner responded to an 8-year-old girl who wrote a compelling letter to the editor. Kaylee Nagy is a straight-A student who finished summer school last week with perfect attendance. As a reward, she received a $100 Visa gift card.

Amazing story. 15 year old CA girl flies single engine Cessna all the way across the country.

A 15-year-old Los Angeles girl who navigated a single-engine Cessna through thunderstorms in Texas and took in breathtaking aerial views of Arizona’s sunsets landed her plane to cheering crowds at Compton Woodley Airport on Saturday. She is believed to be the youngest African American female pilot to fly solo across the country.

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CT city backs off foreclosing on man’s home after they get their 52 bucks in taxes paid.

The city has withdrawn its foreclosure case against a man who owed $51.69 in back taxes. Castro Jean-Gilles paid the charge and the city agreed to drop the case. “It’s my understanding his bank paid whatever it was supposed to and we withdrew the case,” said Elaine Ficarra, a spokeswoman for Mayor Bill Finch. “He’s current with taxes and fees.”

Hey, maybe we’ll have one less lawyer in the country after this guy goes to trial.

A Philadelphia lawyer was arrested Friday night and charged with trying to take heroin into the Delaware County jail. Randall J. Sommovilla, 61, of the 900 block of South 11th Street, was charged with possession of contraband and drugs. He was released after posting bail.

So this is why it’s a good idea to wear clean underwear every time you leave the house.

This is the terrifying moment a Pamplona reveller is tossed into the air and then gored by a rampaging bull. The man was caught in the chest and legs when the large bull became separated from the pack on the slippery cobblestone streets of Spain’s Pamplona. The bull – a 1,268lb Miura – jerked the runner upward and then rolled him along the ground like a rag doll. Miuras are the largest and most famous of Spain’s fighting bulls.

It’s 60 days in the pokey and a big fine for McDonalds worker who hocked a loogey on cop’s McMuffin.

A 32-year-old Berrien Springs man who authorities say spit on a sheriff deputy’s McDonald’s breakfast sandwich has been sentenced to 60 days behind bars in the case. A judge on Friday sentenced Jacob Skipworth, with credit for 38 days served in jail. He pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor food law violation last month.

Lawyer finally released after spending 14 YEARS in jail on contempt of court charge.

A Pennsylvania attorney who was released from prison Friday after serving the longest imprisonment on a civil contempt charge in U.S. history said judges have too much discretion in cases like his. “If I had been convicted of murder in the third degree in Pennsylvania, I would have been out in half the time I was in jail,” H. Beatty Chadwick said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press.

Another stupid peta stunt. This time they look like beached whales.

A fish flap unfolded in Seattle today as group of half-naked animal-rights activists dressed like fish took on a national veterinarian group that’s meeting in Seattle. The activists – members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals – wanted the vets to cancel a salmon-tossing exhibition by the popular Pike Place Market fishmongers.

D’OH!

A 25-year-old Scottsdale man is facing several charges after allegedly driving drunk, hitting a police patrol car and fleeing the scene of the accident. Police say that at 1:30 a.m. Friday, Scottsdale Officer Jason Devlin was stopped at a red light at Hayden and Shea.

Sheriff deputy may have thrown away career for stealing, of all things, livestock corral panels.

Pinal County Sheriff’s deputies arrested one of their own Friday on suspicion of burglary and theft. Deputy Ian Quick, 33, is accused of stealing livestock corral panels worth more than $2,000 from a property in Florence. On June 10, deputies were called to the 27000 block of North Aladdin Road on a report of a burglary in progress.

Thief hits the jackpot when he rips off this officer’s car.

Authorities say South Florida law enforcement officers are searching for an unmarked police car loaded with weapons and riot gear that was stolen from outside a Hialeah restaurant. A Hialeah police spokesman says the 2000 gold Ford Taurus was stolen early Friday morning while an off-duty officer was working security at the restaurant. The vehicle contained an assault rifle, a Glock, riot gear, a bulletproof vest, police identification and probably an emergency light.

Father spent 20 years in prison for molesting his kids. Now they say it never happened.

Former Vancouver police officer Clyde Ray Spencer spent nearly 20 years in prison after he was convicted of sexually molesting his son and daughter. Now, the children say it never happened. Matthew Spencer and Kathryn Tetz, who live in Sacramento, Calif., each took the stand Friday in Clark County Superior Court to clear their father’s name, The Columbian newspaper reported.

Some really lousy drivers in Florida will have to retake driving test under new law.

Florida will soon start sending some of the state’s worst drivers back to school. A new state law will require any motorist convicted of three crash-related moving violations over a three-year period to take a behind-the-wheel education course and pass a driving test, just like a teenager. The little-noticed crackdown on chronically bad drivers becomes effective next Jan. 1. It was signed last month by Gov. Charlie Crist. ”These people have demonstrated a propensity not only for crashing but for being at fault,” said Electra Bustle, executive director of the state highway safety agency.

Police follow paper trail right to robbery suspect front door.

Authorities caught a 30-year-old man at a house after he robbed a BP convenience store last night on Highway 78, according to the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office. They followed leads to the 100 block of 2nd Street South where a trail of money led from the car to the front door of the residence, said sheriff’s spokesman Lt. Randy Christian.

Having a picture of a baby in your wallet greatly increases the chances of getting it back in the event you ever lose the sucker.

A lost wallet that contains a picture of a baby is more likely to be returned to its owner, scientists have discovered. Scientists dropped 240 wallets last year to see how many were returned. Some contained one of four photographs – a baby, a puppy, a family and a portrait of an elderly couple. Others had a card suggesting the owner had recently made a charity donation, while a control batch contained no additional items.

Quote of the day.

As societies grow decadent, the language grows decadent, too. Words are used to disguise, not to illuminate, action. Words are to confuse, so that at election time people will solemnly vote against their own interests.

-Gore Vidal

This entry was posted in J.A.R.G\'s \"Gotta Read\" News Of The Day.

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